One’s Past is Motivation For A Future

I wrote this last night when I came back from the event.  It took a lot for me to get it out and put it here.  I usually hold back and do not share thoughts like this.  But with what is going on in the economy, I know others feel the same.  Others wish they could change professions but lack the means or experience to do so.  Many do it for free in the hopes to one day be paid.  That is my case.  Determination and motivation propel me to never quit at what I set my mind to.  My goal is for someone to see what I am able to and takes a chance to make me a part of their team, and get paid:

Good evening all.  I just got in from the sponsored event with Dhani Jones of the Cincinnati Bengals.  I will have more of a write up soon.  I have a lot of thoughts going through my head as I left the event and on the way home.

I enjoy attending these events.  It gets me out there amongst those I get to network with and show my creative side.  A side of myself that has been neglected for so many years.  A side of myself that is true to who I am and the path I should have chosen years ago to follow.  Now this could be the six Jack Daniels and Diet Cokes in me but then again, it could also be the  true voice I have kept inside for too long.

I always enjoy attending these events.  This is the second one I have attended from  I enjoy writing for and  I enjoy filming my documentary and the places it has taken me.  I enjoy doing the radio show on Tuesdays for Football Reporters Online that focuses on NYC football and other football topics.  But in my case, I seem to enjoy doing the things I do not get paid for more than the things I do.

Here I sit, a part time worker in the retail industry.  A casualty of the economy as I was one in the financial services field.  I was not happy.  In high school, I made many small films as extra credit in almost every class I was in.  I liked to write and be creative.  I had such a cloud over my head I could not see the path I should have gone down in front of me.  Today , at age 36, I am trying to change careers in a down economy and attempt to make a living and get noticed on what I love to do.

Tonight at the Bing event, I realized a few things that made me feel proud and disappointed at the same time.  Here I sit, trying to make something of myself with a checked past.  I network, overhearing everyone talk about their positions at People magazine, Sunshine Sachs,, American Airlines, and other notable fields.  I inform those I am conversing with I am a sports blogger and documentary filmmaker.  I may not be being paid for it, but it is what I consider myself.  If I could be paid for what I do, I would be a happier person.  It always makes me feel a little down when I hear others talk about their profession when I know they get paid for what they do while I strive to get noticed to get paid for what I love to do.

Now my resume may not look the best or have detailed experience on what I want to do for a living.  That does not mean I am not determined to learn and strive to achieve my goals to make it in the field I want to earn a living from.  I am a fast learner.  I can tell those I networked with tonight are younger than me and made the right decisions to get to where they are now.  I dd not.  I am making up for past mistakes.  I may not have the right internship of job experience, but I have heart and determination and some do not look upon that as enough.

Tonight’s focus was about how to use for your travel purposes.  I heard many talking about their recent trips to Paris, Thailand, Barbados, and a few other destinations.  Some did it for work.  I am frustrated I am stuck where I am.  In an economy where the job market is horrible.  A job market where you have to know the right people and bypass certain resume readers just to be considered for some positions.

I can not change my past.  I can only learn from it and take the right steps now on where I want to be in the near future.  I enjoy writing, filming, and marketing via social media.  I may not have major experience behind me or the right educational background, but that does not mean I should be overlooked.  I know I am not old, it just feels that no matter how hard I try it seems like a tough hill to climb to get to where I want to be with my checkered past.  I can not go back and change anything, but I can work my hardest now to make things right for the future.

Tonight made me realize where I want to be.  It is not an easy road for me to get there.  But it is attainable.  I would like to get back to a position with a salary.  Where I can have a vacation, a 401K, and other perks that make me want to go in everyday.  I would like to have the kind of career That makes me proud to be in the industry I work hard and not get paid for now.

I want to support my family.  I would like to be the one that makes more than my wife.  Tonight was the kind of night that makes me strive harder to accomplish my goals.  To be the one that talks about the places they traveled to for their job.  There are thousands in my position now.  Wishing they could make a change but they do not have the means or experience to do so.  I just have t keep plugging and hope one takes notice of me and sees enough to give me the chance someone else will not give.

Am I jealous of those I was around tonight, no.  Am I envious of the paths they took to get to where they are, maybe.  I just look back and wish I did things differently.  It just sucks I have to make up for lost time and do all of this in a down economy.  I am sure my words echo many who think along the same lines.  All I can do is continue along writing and filming, and get my work into the right hands of those who decide on weather to hire or fire.

Sometimes it is easy for me to keep my feelings inside.  Others times I want to shout them from the rooftops.  This time I could not keep them in any longer.  I felt the need to speak my mind and use this as a way to talk about more than just football and my documentary.  Some say hope is a powerful thing, others say hope means nothing without faith.  At this point in my life, I hold both close to me knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel that is my journey today.